Tuesday, September 9, 2008

The Great Purge, Part 2


I’ve been slacking on the entries lately. Sorry about that…

Friday afternoon was supposed to be our last day, so in keeping with the original plan, I began the process of dismantling my office by throwing away the 8,000 lbs. of useless crap I’ve gathered over the last 5 years. I mean, my god, where did I get all of this guano?

One of the drawers I opened no less than 4 Halloween wigs, one of which still had a $36 price tag on it, and three hand-held beauty mirrors (I swear to god I didn't buy these). I found VO5 shampoo and conditioner, a bottle of Static Guard, and a Choose Your Own Adventure book called “The Lost Jewels of Nabooti.” I found a tiny baseball bat, and a normal sized baseball glove. I found a pair of binoculars, a greasy rubber fish mounted on a stand, a green bandana, and just for emergencies, a white bandana.

I had so many CD’s in my office people must’ve thought I was selling them out of my trunk. Which I would’ve, if I could ever get anyone to buy “Donnie Klang, Just a Rolling Stone (as seen on MTV’s Making the Band 4),” or “One Chance, U can’t,” or “Pants! Twice the Snake You Need.” When I tried to give them away, people lined up outside my door to tell me what kind of nerve I had.

Though I will say, there is just no telling what the office vultures are going to feed on. I threw away what was possibly the world’s most disgusting shag rug, only to find it on the floor of a youngish dude who occupies the office next to me. When I warned him that it was old, filthy, and potentially booger-filled, he reassured me that he wasn’t for his office, but rather for his living room.

In the end, I left the crap I couldn’t get rid of in my office on a table that said free shit/awesome stuff, O.B.O.*

Something tells me whatever the vultures don’t get, the nocturnal creatures will devour when nobody’s looking.

*Thanks Hez

1 comment:

Hez said...

HAHAHA You mean you didn't make any extra scratch off that stuff? I'm shocked.