Tuesday, September 2, 2008

U-S-A, U-S-A

This past weekend the little lady and I headed up to my parents’ summer home on Lake Geneva for the Labor Day weekend. Let me tell you something. That’s one little getaway opportunity we are gonna sorely miss. In fact, I think we’ll have to introduce ourselves to potential new friends in New York with a not-so-subtle, “I’m Kevin. This is Crissy. Do you have another home, or just this one?”

If you’re like me you’ll agree that all lake houses are really tiny little microcosms of America, in that A. everyone has an American flag hanging from their front porch, and B. consumption is sport. When I wasn’t eating my weight in spicy Italian sausages and Oreo cookie ice cream, I was doing the open-mouthed breast-stroke through a pool of wine. Crissy’s hair still smells like turkey bacon.

I’d have to say, for our last hurrah in Lake Geneva for a long time, it was a pretty eventful weekend. My brother-in-law Tom and I threw a baseball for, like, three entire minutes before clutching our chests and drinking glasses of sausage. I stepped on an angry bee in bare feet not 30 seconds after having a discussion over how much bee stings suck (it’s true, they suck). And Crissy discovered that the phantom bat living in the large guest room isn’t a phantom at all. It is quite real and, at least as far as Crissy’s concerned, turns into a dapper, bloodthirsty 19th century gentleman at the stroke of midnight. Oh, we also discovered the "dirt" in our bed was actually bat shit. Which I revealed to the missus with a contrite, “Hon, we’ve been sleeping in guano.”

I’m not really sure what we’re going to do without Lake Geneva at our fingertips. We didn’t use it enough when it was an hour-and-a-half away. It might as well be in Alaska when we get to NYC. I guess we can always get a kiddie pool and fill it up with wine and bat poo, but it just won’t be the same. I’m pretty sure there’s a lesson in there somewhere:

Don’t take what you have for granted? No, that’s not it.

Hang out with your parents more often? Mmmm, no.

Eat and drink like a hog because it’s patriotic? Yes yes, that’s it.

Also-my neck has been sore ever since returning from the lake. This picture is the reason why. Please note the rope recoiling in horror from what it’s about to witness.


Polly Stilp said...

I'm pretty sure Cleopatra bathed in guano to maintain her youthful appearance.

Anonymous said...

Waaaaiiiiiit a minute. Polly Stilp was the name of my 6th grade English teacher...what gives?